There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My vagina is officially offended.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
