do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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