My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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