I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
