You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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