Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
