textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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