She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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