coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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