The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
