It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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