Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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