we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
