At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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