I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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