last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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