She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
did i just pee glitter
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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