just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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