my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
