Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
