I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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