We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
