Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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