just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
