It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
