i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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