If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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