weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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