His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
