I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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