i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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