My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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