Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
