I'm so fucking centered right now
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I came so hard my ears popped.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
