Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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