Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
