Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
