Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
