I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We talked him into tasing himself.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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