My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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