If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
