I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
