Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You need a sexual gate keeper
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
