My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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