I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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