Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
