Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
