Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
