I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
