You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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