I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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