It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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