just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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