dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
