So drunk its hurt
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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